Recently, I have a new job teaching English full time to first grade students in China. Since the school is new there are no clubs excpet for those that local teachers have or tutoring activities. I tutor kids 1-3 and it goes well. I really love my job and my co-workers...well almost all my co-workers.
In your life there will always be one student, boss, or co-worker who brings you down. Ask anyone who has worked multiple jobs and they will tell you that there is always one person who is rude, a know-it-all, or complains. Often times they don't do anything worth firing for so they stick around even though they make everyone miserable. In some companies, these people get promoted, not because they are worthy of the job, but so they are out of that department. Yes, that is a real thing.
Right now I have a co-worker who is a know-it-all, complains non-stop, and has been caught lying. They were confronted by our department head and that person did dial it down, but they are still pain in the butt. How do you deal with these thorns in your rose garden of a job?
For myself I am still trying to figure this out. I pray that they will be fired or quit their job but it seems that will not be happening soon. Right now things that I am trying to do is...
1. Distance myself. I started off this year trying to be everyone's friend since I am in a new country I knew I had to branch out. Recently, I decided that I would rather be by myself then be with someone so toxic.
2. Let is wash over me. This co-worker often says things rude or ignorant. Usually I would get into lecture mode and teach them the errors of their ways...but people like this do not like "lose." They know they are wrong but since you pointed it out they are now going to fight ten times harder to embarress you in front of everyone. I have to decide what things I can do on my own and when I can ignore my co-workers "advice."
3. Fight when it is necessary. There are times when you have to work as a group and when someone is dead wrong, they are dead wrong. There have only been a few times when I would not let my co-worker get by with something and each time that co-worker put what I wrote to her on a public chat for everyone to see. They went to embarress me and I would not take it. If this happens to you, be professional, be considerate, and word everything well. I took apart her argument piece by piece, showed the group evidence on how XYZ would be better, and stated how my co-worker's method would not work. My co-worker was furious and it showed in her very public response. It got awkward for her and there were times I thought that maybe I should duck out, because it would be easier to quit then keep this argument going. I hate confrontation but what she was saying could not keep going. So far this has worked out for me but I really have to pick my battles carefully.
4. If they won't be positive, I will be. I don't want to be that person that everyone dislikes because I feel bad. I may not like my co-worker but I will not show that at work. My goal is to do little acts of kindness at work that counter the bad. When I see that mean teacher's TA, I smile and give a compliment. You would not believe how much that changes someone's day. If that mean teacher refuses to clean her room because "that's the janitor's job" I will clean my room on my own. If that teacher won't get paper because "she is too busy" I will get the paper and help unjam the printer. It is little and probably unnoticed but dang it! I think it matters.
If anyone has advice on these co-workers please comment below! I would love more advice on this.
End On a Happy Note: I must admit that sometimes I feel like this but I hope this makes you laugh.
https://youtu.be/zi8ShAosqzI
This title of this blog is called So You Don't Have a Club Anymore and is aimed at those who have graduated high school/college. The question is what can you do after your education to stay involved to motivate people.
There are organizations you can be involved in after school is over such as food banks, politics, church groups, or other volunteer organizations. These would be productive to whatever your cause is and what you want to help others with.
Another thing is to get the word out there. What do you want to help? How can you do that? For myself, my club was the Red Cross so I could volunteer, donate blood or money, or post on my social media about their causes. This generation has the internet widely available to them, so use it for good!
I would suggest is random acts of kindness as well. Writing positive messages in public places, sending flowers to others, and seeing to those who are often ignored. I have seen a lot of these wonderful things on the internet which are totally attainable. Here is a list!
1. No One Sits Alone-Find a person who usually sits alone at your work and sit with them. Super easy! I know the link is for middle schools but I think it still applies.
2. Positive Sticky Notes-A movement that started in England, people started placing positive messages in subways and now it is a world wide movement. Even my club did it a few years ago.
3. Crochet for Care- If you are crafty then you can do this one. There are a ton of crochet projects that have gained popularity including one for premature babies and for those with cancer.
4. Got old books? Donate them! What about clothes? Donate them!
5. Cup of Coffee-At many coffee shops you can "pay it forward" by offering to buy a cup of coffee for the next customer. Usually the next person will pay it forward until it is a long line of paid coffee. Great way to start the day.
One last item, do not be indifferent to others. I assume if you are reading this blog that you aren't (or I hope that you aren't). Seeing a problem and thinking that there is nothing you can do and there is no point in acting is being indifferent. Even if you can't vote, talk about voting. Even if you can't donate money/goods/etc., talk about it. Even if you aren't an international diplomat, talk about it. You will feel useless and angry at times but don't let those who are doing something wrong, keep doing it.
Elie Wiesel said that Holocaust was not caused by hate but by indifference. I know that seems like a big jump but to me it isn't. When Jews were labeled and categorized, how many protests were going on? How many politicians were known to stand up and say it was wrong? How many of the Jewish people's neighbors watched as they were taken away, eager to take their things? They didn't care what happened to them, they didn't hate them, they simply didn't care. I encourage you to at least talk about the wrongs in this world, even if you loses you friends and family. All we have is humanity and dignity, don't lose it because you are indifferent or afraid.
I'll leave with this.
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”― ElieWiesel.
First They Cameby Pastor Martin Niemoller
First they came for the Communists And I did not speak out Because I was not a Communist Then they came for the Socialists And I did not speak out Because I was not a Socialist Then they came for the trade unionists And I did not speak out Because I was not a trade unionist Then they came for the Jews And I did not speak out Because I was not a Jew Then they came for me And there was no one left To speak out for me
End On a Happy Note: Have you heard this song? It's amazing.
So I have graduated college and gotten a job. However, I wanted to make sure my club would be okay without me.
Here are ways to help your club thrive after your gone.
Find your most responsible and hardworking club member. You need to find out if they want a position in your club. Odds are that good club members are very active and might be offered offices in other clubs.
Give them more responsibilities step by step while you are still in office.
When (or if) they get elected give them starting materials. What do they need to know about fundraising, doing events, or gaining members? Do you have raffle tickets, t-shirts, or bank account numbers that they need?
Give them a calendar of what you did when you were in charge. I wish I had that when I was president. It is an excellent guide for your future officers.
Give them a copy of the constitution. You have no idea how often I was asked to forward that on. Give them a hard copy and a digital copy.
Once they are in office let them have your number and email. They will ask questions. If you can, show up to the first few meetings with them in charge. Afterwards talk to them about what they did well. This will boost their confidence and encourage them to stay a leader.
Be supportive as much as you can but let them have the reigns. I slowly took myself out of meetings while those students were in charge. That way they didn't rely on me so heavily and it gave me a chance to focus on graduating.
END ON A HAPPY NOTE:
It has been shown that little children and older people together improves mood and gets them both motivated. How cute is this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EI9ye459YMk
I am happy to report that my club this year has active members and have done really great events. The events have included handing out candy to children at Halloween, helping out with blood drives and my proudest achievement a Zombie Walk. The club was able to raise awareness about safety while having fun. The reason that this went off without a hitch is that everyone had a responsibility.
At the beginning of the year each of the members chose which events we should have and which we shouldn't with an activity called carousel. I hung 10 sheets of paper around the room with the name of one event on sheet. The members each had five stickers that they would put on their top five favorite ideas. The sheets with the most stickers were the most liked. They walk around and around reading what they are and choose which one they like (like a carousel). From there the leaders of the club knew which event to focus our energy on and that the members would more likely be involved.
From there we had students pick an event that they wanted to be part of a committee for. The students did have the option of not joining as well. No reason to force someone to do something they don't want to do. From there the committees voted on who should be their leaders. That is when I (the president) and the adviser sat down the the committee leaders and discussed with them what we were expecting.
We discussed how much we were willing to spend, why we wanted this even to happen, and the goals for the club.
The other portion of the meeting was spent discussing jobs. Should there be posters? Then make a member from your group in charge of it. Do we need permits or permission? Better have someone in charge of that. Should there be food or music? There's a job for someone right there.
The goal is that each person is in charge of something and there are always enough jobs to go around. It is important for the leaders to stress that if they fail at their job, then the whole group will suffer. If the event is done well, then there are many great benefits that should be expressed to the group too.
1. The members with jobs feel they are useful to your group. They feel involved in a part of something for your club and maybe for your school. This person is more inclined to stay in your club and spread word of the club's work.
2. Members learn skills that they may not have learned otherwise. For example, one student created posters for the first time. Another person talked with the Vice President of the college for permission codes. One student was in charge of safety for the Zombie Walk since it was in the dark and on a road which meant thinking of creative solutions. All the members in the committee had to work on their communication skills with one another to make sure they were on top of their jobs.
3. Confidence in the club and even in the members themselves will go up when the job is completed well. Each member knows they did a good job and that it was because of them. Those with leadership positions should recognize these accomplishments to the entire club. It seems small but it is so so necessary.
4. The members who were doing jobs now feel more ready to take on bigger jobs. In a way, you are training these members to take the leadership positions of the club. I won't be able to be president next year so it is my job to find a replacement. The goal I have is to train each of the members so that they will be able to take my place effectively.
I plan to be a counselor when I graduate from college. I love helping people and want to motivate others. I want to help those suffering from mental illness. Today I wish I had the chance to help someone with mental illness.
At my old high school today, a student killed himself. It is not clear if it was bullying or if it was a mental health issue. What is more disturbing is that this is the fourth student suicide at my school in four years.
What can I do?
What can we do?
First, is to stop playing the blame game. Mental health is not a joke. It's not merely "feeling bad." A person can't "snap out of it." It is ignorant to blame those who are mentally ill and say that it was their fault. It's ignorant to think that they could have prevented it. It isn't that simple.
Due to chemical imbalances, brain deficiencies, genetics, or their environment, a person develops a mental illness. Watch the video for some information.
I once heard someone say that they wished a person would stop complaining about their depression because it wasn't cancer. No it isn't cancer. I can't say what is worse or better. What I am saying is don't compare the two different pains. Also, don't compare the two treatments. When a person is mentally ill they don't or can't treat themselves. This is where a person can come in and help.
Often, those who suffer from mental health issues are embarrassed and will tell you to keep quiet if they have shared with you that they are ill. Unless you are a psychiatrist, you shouldn't keep this to yourself. Their family needs to know. Your school counselor need know.
There is also the National Suicide Prevention Line at 1-800-273-8255. If you are questioning to call them, THEN JUST CALL THEM. A life isn't an issue to take lightly. Or call the National Youth Crisis Hotline at 1-800-442-4673.
3. Support, Support, SUPPORT
The worst part of mental illness is feeling alone. Check up on them and often. Don't go weeks without contact. A person with mental health wants to be alone but that makes the problem worse. They need someone to talk to or be around that is a positive influence. It sounds intimidating to be around someone who is ill but it can mean recovery for this person. When they are talking to you about mental illness avoid statements that were listed above. These would be better to say. Or these as well.Be open as possible.
4. Prevent
Each school needs a mental health program. Find programs that help students with mental health issues. My school has an "Open Door Policy" which is where a student can go to any faculty member with a sign of an open door on their office and talk to them about any issue. They are trained in mental health counseling and are in contact with the residence hall association. Does your school have an open door program? Think about implementing one. Get after school programs that promote positivity. Raise awareness on mental health. Bring in speakers.
Prevent the stigma by understanding mental health and talking about it. Make more programs or give more funding for mental health. Donate. Watch documentaries. Read. Stop blaming.
Courtesy of Pinterest
Bullying should not be taken lightly.
For issues on bullying, a person needs to report if they see any bullying happening. Report to a teacher, counselor, principal, even the police department. "Bullying" is harassment and is against the law. There a few different types of bullying such as mental or physical. There is also the new one which is cyber-bullying, this is what is causing the biggest problems of our day. Do not be a bystander. You can be the solution.
We all get to that point in our lives where we are crazy busy. Currently I'm on Christmas Break at my college and have had a lot of free time. I've recently had to start getting my stuff in a heap to prepare for next semester. One of the items on my list is being more on top of delays. The last month of school is that my club was trying to sell our latest fundraiser, winter car safety kits.
The issue is that I asked for a volunteer to make posters and email our school about the event. The person that volunteered, didn't do the things I asked. It doesn't sound like this is a big deal, and in the grand scheme of things it isn't, but it does hurt the club. Why?
1. It shows that our club can't handle the simple things. If we can't do small items then we certainly can't handle big events.
2. It shows that we are lazy or careless. This gives the club a bad reputation which means no new members.
3. The word didn't go out about our fundraiser. No one knew about this event going on which hurts our fund for CPR classes. That in itself has it's own consequences.
What am I supposed to do?
The job as president, or even as a member, is to make sure that no one delays. I did not tell the member that I was disappointed that the posters didn't happen. I gave the assignment to someone else. The email occurrence should have been brought up sooner as well. The member told me that they had said something to me in person about the subject and it was my job to remember. I agreed with this sentiment but frankly, I have such a bad memory.
That's when I decided to make sure I wouldn't forget. I sent that member an email that said that if they can't handle these assignments, they need to email me, print off a paper for me, or write on my hand that they need someone else to do the job. I also told this person it is their job to find a replacement. They are an adult and can handle that much.
Being a leader means that you make sure jobs get done but it does not mean you are a babysitter. Organizations like these look good on resumes because they train people to be adults. Giving out responsibilities is one thing, but making sure that the person acts responsible is another. Again, a person doesn't need to be dictator to get the job done. Being assertive is enough.
Don't delay when it comes to projects. If you have a job, do the job. If you gave the job and aren't satisfied, let them know and don't beat around the bush.
This year started off pretty rough. I had over twenty people say they were interested in this club. I was told people were excited to start volunteering and helping and being positive. I felt confident and awesome...then we had our first meeting.
Our first meeting had a total of four people. I felt like this...
Courtesy of Buzzfeed
I had done all the planning, knew what I wanted to do, and felt like I had landed on my face. What was I to do?
FIRST I was heavily relying on myself to get things done. I didn't want anyone else's help because I thought I was the only one who could do the job right. Other members needed to have a job as well, my trusty Vice President could have easily done those jobs. As soon as I let others have jobs, membership started to grow.
SECOND Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will a club's reputation. Membership will grow when the word gets out about us. Currently, we are about ten members active and three inactive. Slowly but surely, we are getting there!
THIRD Some of the people in the club had this mindset of, "We're small so we can slack off." Being a leader does not mean screaming at this people and telling them they suck. A leader states that although we are small, we will work like a larger club. I asked if they needed help or if their responsibilities needed to be someone else's. Immediately, things started getting done. No threats are ever needed when running anything.
FOURTH Being active in something will get the club's name out there and keep your members. I have repeatedly said in this blog that blender events are needed. After our few small events, are name got out to a few people and our members were glad to do something fun.
Starting a club can be tedious but after a while you'll be like this guy.
Victorious.
Courtesy of Buzzfeed
END ON A HAPPY NOTE:
Halloween is on it's way. Here is a little Halloween humor for you.
At my summer job I am in charge of two groups which each consist of about eight people. In all I'm in charge of about 16 people. Before I started my new position of Assistant Field Researcher all those in leadership positions had training. They gave each of us a packet consisting of four pages of tips from the Office of Student Leadership Development from the Ulrich Student Center. Here are the ones I and the other leaders thought were the best.
Courtesy of Pinterest and stylegerms.com
Motivating Others
1. Set an Example. If you make promises you have to come through. If you want your members to be on time, be on time yourself. Be the model you want your members to be.
2. Keep the other informed. Have timely and open communications with your members so all can participate in the discussions or future planning.
3. Get to know each of your members. Why are they in your club? This is ESSENTIAL if you want your members to feel like they belong.
4. Remember that each person in your club could be taking your position or help you out. "You can do the work of two people, but you can't be two people." Lee Iacocca
Courtesy of Mulan and Pinterest
Even Mulan needed a team to defeat the Huns.
Team Unity
1. Keep morale high. Allow at least one meeting to consist of the entire group commenting on the activities they have done. Giving everyone a voice allows for ideas to be improved and a chance for members to feel included.
2. Don't dwell on failures. You get out what you put in. If you are constantly negative, you'll only get negative feedback. Keeping negatives to a minimum will give more honest and profitable solutions.
Courtesy of Pinterest
Kim Possible was a cheerleader and saved the world and you can still contact her.
Effective Communication
1. Refrain from using abbreviations or slang words. Some may not know what you mean. Right words means the right message.
2. Listen. The Ulrich Student Center says, "Remember communication is a two way street." People may feel pushed to the side if you don't listen to what they have to say.
3. If you critique, critique the IDEA not the person.
4. Take responsibility. Use "I" not "you." It sounds like blame is being spread to others when saying you, you, you all the time. That leads to feeling disgruntled and perhaps the clubs down-fall. Be assertive and say, "I." Passive aggressive people blame and assertive people take the fame. (I just made that up. Thank you very much.)
OVERALL: These are the traits that my company thought made great leaders. You can see some are listed above.
1. Leaders need excitement and energy.
2. Need to engage with members. Don't have awkward quiet times.
3. Organized and serious when working and training.
4. Open to questions and discussion. Members shouldn't be afraid of leaders. They should respect and feel friendly towards leaders.
Currently, I am club president of the Red Cross Club at my college. This club has been here for three years going on its fourth and has gone through multiple advisers, lazy presidents, and lack of members. I am hoping to fix all that. Thanks to the conference I have mentioned at least a thousand times in this blog, there were some tips and tricks that I used and may use to save this club yet.
1. WHAT IS YOUR REASON FOR THIS CLUB
If you go into a leadership position for a club because it will look good on your resume, think again. Grant a club can look nice on your resume for a few reasons such as to appear active. The fact is you will be miserable and you will probably quit if that is the only reason. Being a member means time commitments and going to the occasional boring meetings and if you were there for the cupcakes, you best be leaving.
Being a leader means deciding, planning, and time commitments and if don't want to spend time outside of the club doing work, don't volunteer. For the Red Cross Club there was time spent to find ways to advertise our club, working on our Facebook page, and setting up our event calender for the year which doesn't sound like much but it definitely took time away from my summer.
You SHOULD join a club because you like it's message, it's events, or it can improve your talents or skills.
You SHOULD be a leader because you want to better others, self, community, or school. OR if YOU want to improve the club somehow. The emphasis is on the 'you' as in, you think you can drive the club with your ideas, not others. I'm not saying you shouldn't get help, by all means, GET ADVICE ALWAYS, but don't be piggy backing off of others all the time.
Image from http://thepioneerwoman.com/
2. ARE PEOPLE INTERESTED
Will people want to join or want to keep joining? Some clubs will not be recognized by a school, company, or organization (like the Red Cross) unless you have so many members. Find out if your club will be interfered by those rules and see if people would be interested enough to stay with your club. If the answer it is no, find out why. Tips below may help with problems the club may have.
Image courtesy of Pinterst
3. HAVE A PLAN
Clubs often struggle at this step. A person thinks, "Aha! Yes! I think a car wash would be great!" Then the car wash NEVER happens. BOOM! You've just lost members. No one wants to be part of a club that doesn't follow through. The club has to think of when, where, back up plans, and perhaps even a budget when it comes to events. Think of canceling as the big red button no one wants to touch. If you must cancel, figure out why and if the event should ever be thought of doing again. For the club I'm in, we have cancelled because we kept postponing to the point where it was three months later from the original date. Postponing can be a good idea but beware of the forever postponing plague.
Here is comprehensive list that my college has each club fill out.
*Note, everything must fit on one page. More than that is a sign of over thinking.*
Name of Event
Contact Name and Number
Date and Time
Campus Location
Total Price
(After event has taken place)
Event Attendance
Comments on Event
Suggestions for Improvement
Event Rating 1-10
4. DON'T BE A DICTATOR AND BUT DON'T MOSH PIT IT
When the leaders in a group state what you are going to do, then the club changes from being a fun extracurricular to being a member in a dictatorship. Grant, they should lead but not to the point that only the board is making decisions. Leaders are there for organization. Members are there for creativity. There is a negative side to members though. Meetings run by members only can easily go from, "What do you think?" to "I'm sorry I can't hear you because everyone is talking at once." As leaders, think of a few options that the club can decide on. Starting with, "Alright think of an event and we'll do it." WILL lead to chaos. So start instead with, "We have three options which include a car wash, a color run, and a water gun fight. Which of these do you like best?" If you want club members to think of ideas themselves, have them fill out a planning sheet and vote on it. Organization and creativity are keys to a healthy club.
Image courtesy of Pinterest
5. LEADERS/ADVISERS
The Red Cross Club at my school has suffered greatly from insufficient leadership. Currently, the club is on it's 5th adviser in three years but has had two presidents for all three years. The membership is down to two people. Leaders/Advisers can make or break your club. When starting a club or voting on positions, know who can stick around and who is there merely because no one else will. Choosing based on the things below can help you with your decision.
Most Important: Know how much time and effort they want to invest.
-Are they involved in other clubs? How many? If the answer is two+, count them out. They may say they can handle it but they won't. Trust me they won't. If they have led beforehand, count them in as they have experience. A new adviser/leader may be iffy and can quit when they realize that the club is more work than they had in mind.
-Are they scatterbrained? If the answer is yes...stay far away. These people tend to blab, procrastinate, and mosh pit meetings.
-Are they organized/strict? If the answer is yes, then you say yes. Strict people get stuff done and will let you know when something is amiss. Some may hate them as teachers, counselors, etc. but if they can get you out of the deep dark depths that is lack of members, you stay with them. Let me put it to you this way, if you had to escape prison would you choose Elmo or Vin Diesel to get you out?
-Are the likable? I know I just stated that some may hate them as a person so deal with it; just trust me this is different. Being strict is more like being organized but on Red Bull; they seem to be overbearing but they have all the right equipment. If that person is known for being a jerk then you say no. These people are more like sugar; they seem to be in charge but in the end, you were and now you're sad. The reason is that your adviser/leader will have to associate with other people whether it be the principal or a board. If they suck at talking, or presenting, or get emotional fast, count them out. No one wants to listen to an annoying voice when they can be charmed by a sweeter one, or at the very least an organized one.
-Are they athletic coaches or are athletes? If the answer is yes, you should probably say no. Grant, coaches or athletes are usually motivated, organized, and self-made leaders but there are multiple things that could go wrong. First, will meetings interfere with their practices or games? If so, they will always choose the sport over the club. Athletics pay (either by a paycheck or scholarship) and advising/leading rarely does. Second issue will be time. These people either have to have a certain GPA and will skip meetings to study or there may be so many hours they can work for your school. They will choose their education or job over you. Every. Single. Time. (Even volunteering for your club can be considered 'working' as they are still are participating in a school event and the school will force your adviser to quit the club. Yes, it's happened to me before.)
Courtesy of Buzzfeed
6. MEETINGS ARE BORING OR DISORGANIZED
There a few things you can do. Boring
-Playing music has been shown to increase attention. In fact video game music was created for that purpose. Mario is usually a good choice to play in the background or the Hans Zimmer station on Pandora. Music with lyrics or dancing music can be distracting.
-Start meetings with something fun and QUICK! Don't spend more then 10 minutes on a warm up game. You could start off with something as easy as musical chairs. One great way to increase relationships is have everyone (even the adviser) go to a complete stranger and have them either tell them their future dreams or come up with a secret handshake.
-Give out stress balls or anything else kinesthetic. Having something physical forces that person to pay attention as their mind will wander less often.
-Instead of having every meeting consisting of planning, and choosing, and arguing...do blender events instead. Choose something that pertains to your club or club's motivation that is fun to do and run with it! For example, the Art Guild at my school built spooky creatures and placed them around the campus on April Fool's Day. It was both fun and held to the artistic values of the club.
Courtesy of Mary Rose Fiedler
Disorganized
-Don't know what Robert's Rules are? Get to know them and enforce them. These rules prevent talking over others and arguments. http://img.docstoccdn.com/thumb/orig/4862573.png
-Think of Murphy's Law: Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong. Predict when there may be a problem and think of solutions for it. You don't have to be over paranoid but it's better to think Murphy then to be run over by craziness.
-Have an agenda. At the start of the meeting hand out what will be discussed. Include time limits by each subject if needed. At the end of each meeting, there should be time to have "free talk" where members can discuss anything they wish to include in the next meeting.
Image Courtesy of Pinterest
7. RELATIONSHIPS ARE POOR AMONG MEMBERS
There are two major issues that cause depleting numbers. Either there are not enough people to create energy or they don't know each other well enough to come back. You can advertise all you want on Facebook, twitter, or whatever else and people will not come. It is the club's job to sound exciting or have close relationships among members. Ways to do that are...
-Have members talk to one another. Give them a chance to socialize.
-Get to know them! People are usually in events because they know friends who are at them. Be that friend or at least acquaintance. Getting to know them is a good start. (What are the passionate about? Who is their favorite super hero? If they could meet anyone dead or alive who would it be?) Look up Ryan Clauson for more tips on 'attracting' other people. http://www.mrattraction.com/
-Use ice breakers for your warm up event at meetings. Look at this link for a whole bunch of ideas. >http://indulgy.com/post/t1f6NY18T1/chrysanthemum-first-day-name-activity
Image Courtesy of Pinterest
The six tips and advise above are the ideas that come to my mind immediately. If you have questions, comment below.
The other day at my job, there was a group of boys who were being quite obnoxious. They were yelling obscenities at the top of their lungs in order to get people to notice them. (Remind you of my French Toast page?) I kind of lost it by saying something relatively unkind. (Basically I stated that their male talents may be small. If you catch my drift.) Now, I say "kind of" because I knew what I was doing. I knew that what I was going to say was going to be hurtful. I said it anyway though as I thought it would end their game. It did work but I felt guilty about it.
Now, I've gotten only one response to this which is, "They deserved it and they stopped so don't feel bad." The problem I have with this is... because of what I said, did those boys realize what they were doing was immature. Or were they under the thought that no one liked them and were being shunned?
Whenever someone disses or slanders or makes fun it makes the other person may feel like they are less. Less than human and less from normal. There are two thoughts on this.
1. The reason people are making others feel bad, is because there is something messed up with them. In a way, people feel that karma should be justified. The example I gave is perfect for this! I only spoke in a mean way because I was angry at them. Those bullies in school only were mean because others were mean to them. Essentially, If I feel bad, you feel bad.
2. Another reason would be to feel superior. Don't think you've ever done it? Have you ever gossiped about someone? Behind their backs said that they were failures, losers, or a bad person? It's because everyone wants to feel "on top" by bringing others down. It's a fake way to boost our confidence. We should all know that doesn't work though, and it's kind of pathetic to think it would.
Keep in mind that their words DO NOT MATTER. Only when they are believed do they carry power. If a person is told enough any of the words in the picture below, they can start to think that those words do apply to them or you or me. THEY DO NOT! Those cruel words make people feel like they aren't people. That they aren't human. That is wrong.
Jim Carey carried a note around with him at all times. The note had a number on it, $1 million. He grew up poor after his hardworking father lost his job doing something he hated. Jim Carey vowed to only do a job if he loved it and he wanted to be rich. A few years later he was offered an acting job that made him $1 million, the goal he put on the note. Here is the >role. You are probably familiar with it.
Confidence and lack of confidence can be made the same way. With the right words and a positive belief, a person doesn't have to worry about the haters.
Here are some ways to be confident if you need it to beat the haters!
Image courtesy of zerxzastyle.blogspot.com/
So here is what I think about dissing. Putting others down to feel better about yourself or for the purpose of making them feel inhuman, that is bad. Reacting to others to make them aware of their actions is different. Make them AWARE not angry. What I did, could have been handled better. I could have merely stated that the way they were acting was immature and annoying to the rest of the workers. I could have said that their attempts of showing off were working as we all noticed, but were failing to make us like them. There were probably a bunch of ways to end that discussion without making fun of them.
Like those boys, I have work to do on myself. Less with self-esteem and more on how to react to others. This is how I should do things. Or this. The second link labeled "this" states in tip 8 to "feel sorry for them." Don't think of this as, "Ugh those poor losers." Think more of, "Are they acting this way because they have been bullied or want to feel superior?"
Reaction is the key to this whole dissing de-humanizing thing. You are in charge of how you feel. YOU HAVE THE POWER! Anyone has the power to diss or to praise. To feel bad or to feel good. It may be difficult, but it can be done.
Be Fabulous like this llama. Courtesy of Buzzfeed.
End On a Happy Note:
This has made me smile very much. Here is Benedict Cumberbatch and all his glorious purpose.
I finished another book on my summer reading list and this classic by John Steinbeck is none other than The Grapes of Wrath. When I finished this book I was a little confused on the ending. It was only when I understood the major theme that I understood. The theme being that decency and morality are the most important ideals a person has to hold onto, in order to still be human.
(Which makes me think of Valerie's Letter in V for Vendetta
The Joad family has lost everything at the end, and I mean everything. Despite that though, the Joad family is still willing to help others over themselves. Whenever the chance to give comes up Ma Joad gives money, food, or care to others even though this woman is "tar'd" beyond belief. When, or if, you read this story you will see that the some family members leave. Ask yourself what their reasons are. Some leave because they don't want to help the family anymore, they only want to support themselves.
In my own family, we have a rare disease called Huntington's Disease that has affected relatives including my mother. When she became symptomatic, she had some family and friends stay but many left. The reason? It is surprisingly the same reason the Joad family fell apart in the story. They were concerned more about how they themselves would feel, their fears, and they didn't want to admit that someone they loved was going to die. I saw first hand that during her life her friends by the dozens boiled down to one or two when she became quite ill.
What does this have to do with bringing positivity? First, anyone can help others. Some people even take a vow of poverty and take a lifetime of service for others such as Buddhists and Nuns or are just willing to help like this group of Atheists and of course the Red Cross. Amazon.com is also doing a program right now called smile.amazon.com where you shop and Amazon will donate its profit to the charity of your choice.
The second thing you can do, is act the way you say you will. Any person can say they will be your friend for life or that they will donate or volunteer or whatever but ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS (caps lock for effect). The Joad family all donated and volunteered to help others and my mom's true friends and family visited her in the hospital and donated to cure HD. Think of your friends, family, and even strangers that you can help. Don't just think it, do it! Take charge and be a leader.
In the past two weeks I've had my family tell me that I have acted "stuck up" and that they thought I was acting like I was "better than they were." Needless to say, I was getting quite upset with them. Today we were eating french toast. I asked my sister to pass the butter and that I would be "most appreciative if she did." I got a speech from my dad telling me that using those big words turn people off as it seems like I'm trying to put on a smart front. The anger rushed through me and the tears flowed from my eyes. How dare he say that! Am I not safe in my own home? This was over butter!
Notice how I got angry over this so fast? Why was that?
Image courtesy of Bing
My dad told me he didn't mean for my ego to be hurt. I don't have an ego. How dare you! Well, I do have an ego. Let me say that again, I do have an ego. My esteem was hurt by the statement that I was trying to act smart instead of actually being smart. That is the one thing that I have struggled with in my life. A description of my that is common is that I'm comedic and humorous. For some reason I took that as, "You are funny but comedy doesn't equal intelligence." To make up for that I would not only get good grades in school, but I would show my dad my report cards, Dean's List letters, and ask him what he thought. I was waiting for that pat on the head or a gold sticker and it never came. After school got out this semester they sent out the Dean's List letters again and I showed my dad. I was trying to get him to notice and it didn't come. That's when the uppity attitude appeared. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS HAPPENING! Looking back though, whenever we watched a movie, after I read a book, thought of a random fact I was so eager to share that fact with anyone. I would do it at random times. I wanted a big light up poster saying HEY LOOK I'M SMART! TAKE NOTICE!
To be humble is to be humiliated. After my french toast humiliation, I finally saw what I was doing. The realization had taken place that my ego was in charge. I wasn't acting smart because I was smart, the only action taking place was acting. Acting so others would take notice and I would be liked.
First of all, I should not need others opinions to tell me who I am. If that occurs, a person will be miserable and that's what was happening to me. Rely off of your own greatness but always, always, ALWAYS realize that there is some room for improvement.
Be positive in your own abilities and strengths. You. Are. Unique. You are special. Don't rely off of what other people tell you though. For every compliment you earn there is criticism. Take consideration of both. Is there room for improvement? The answer will always be yes if you are humble. Did I do my best for the time being? That answer is should also always be yes, so be proud.
Live the life that you want. Don't listen to others as they can put you up and take you down just as fast. You should go out and make others feel better or improve their lives though. Do it because you care about the human race and not because you want to "feel good about yourself." If you touch someone's life in a kind way because you want to help, because you want others to be improved, because you want to change the world for the better that is great. Don't go out and volunteer and think that good karma will be bound to you. That is no way to live. You will be living your whole life thinking that karma or the universe or other people owe you something when they don't. No one person should own another. Share love for the sake of sharing love. If great things follow, then they follow. As a smart person told me today, "I love you but I also like you and those are different. You can love others but not want to be friends with them. Love because that is the greatest act you can do." Robert Turek.
End On A Happy Note:
This man talks about how he was a doctor for Mother Theresa and how another doctor's ego. Thought it was appropriate for today's post.
Yesterday I watched two different pieces of film that had the same theme. Twilight Zone and Citizen Kane. The episode of Twilight Zone was titled "One More Pallbearer" it is about a man, Paul Radin, who brings in people who he believes has wronged him to his Nuclear Bunker to force out an apology.
Image courtesy of Aliana and Simon Cherpitel
and Bing
Citizen Kane is about a man who is separated from his family at a young age and adopted by a company thus making him fabulously wealthy. The movie starts with Kane saying his final words, "Rosebud." The rest of the film goes on a journey with a newspaper journalist to find out what his final word meant.
Now, what do these have in common? SPOILER ALERT:
Both the character of Paul Radin and Charles Foster Kane
wanted to be loved and both tried to force it from people. Paul tried to force those who had wronged him to plead for his forgiveness. Charles Kane was trying to make his girlfriends or wives to love him with his wealth or lovely rhetoric. You can guess that neither worked. Why didn't it work though? As Kane's second wife, Susan, stated, "You never really give me anything that belongs to you, that you care about." That's just it. Paul Radin and Charles Kane never shared anything with others that they cared about but they demanded that they deserved the love and compassion of others. It's kind of twisted isn't it? Well, that is the Twilight Zone and Orson Welles for you.
Is this really too twisted though? You may have known or heard about a person who manipulates others to get what they want. When these manipulators don't, they think a privilege that is rightfully there's has been taken away. These people don't understand that people are people. That in order to get love, you have to share love. Just take it from the Beatles in their song The End.
Now, how does one share the love? At my NCSL conference we had a project where we had to call seven different people that impacted our lives. One of the calls I made was to my high school English teacher. I told her I was at the conference, that I planned to be a teacher, that her difficult classes pushed me and made me think outside the box. She said she had never been so touched and later texted me that week saying it still made her glad that she got that phone call. Just a five minute phone call made someone feel appreciated enough to remember it all week. Heck, Eminem wrote a whole song as an apology to his mom in Headlights and Eminem is one guy that I wouldn't call a fluffy teddy bear.
If you are more of the squishy type that doesn't really show their love, I get that. Not judging. They should still know that you love or appreciate them. You could send an anonymous letter or gift to that person if you are especially shy. If it is a co-worker, you could send them a note or a nice email. Still too cheezy for you? Well, if you are bold enough just saying three little words can make a big difference to them. "I appreciate you." That's all you have to say. Another kind gesture that you could do is tell your fellow employees or employer, friends, parents or whomever, about what the other has done that you thought was great. So often we hear it is a dog eat dog world, wouldn't it be extraordinary to actually help others up instead of pushing them down? All of this might sound pretty cheezy and dopey but to someone else it doesn't. Treat others how you wanted to be treated and be the change in the world that you want to see. (Yes, digging deep with famous quotes and cliches.) Really, though. How do you expect your work, school, town, meetings, clubs, or whatever else to improve if you don't try to boost with kindness? Be the positive motivator in your organization or home. Be a leader and a cheerleader in other lives, everyone needs it.
End On a Happy Note: Animals having thoughts and souls? According to these owners or former owners, the love of animals is apparent and real.
When it comes to being kind to others, it can be difficult at times (or all the time). My question is why do those people choose to be unkind and, in a sense, ugly? Those individuals who are unkind somehow believe that what we would consider are the good parts of them, are not worth sharing. They keep it deep inside themselves and but show off their ugly exteriors.
Image Courtesy of Bing Search and Flying for the Window: The Bloggings of a Curious Man
I recently finished the book Catcher in the Rye. In the story, Holden Caulfield states that he is surrounded by "phonies" that "just kill him." I agree with Holden. I refuse to believe that those who make people think that they are powerful and big are just trying to cover-up themselves. It's hard to believe that they could have good qualities but do you think these people really act like they do around their families or significant others? If someone pushed over their mother and made fun of them in their home, they must have some sort of mental problem and I mean that with all seriousness.
The next point I want to make are those who aren't bullies or bullied but those who stand around and do nothing. You know how Smokey the Bear tells you that "Only YOU can prevent forest fires." Well, I'm telling you that Only YOU can prevent bullying. You may be familiar with the the TV show What Would You Do. They had a harassment scenario in a restaurant that you can see here >soldier video. Even though the harasser and harassed were fake, you could still see how someone like the soldier stood up for a complete stranger with real genuine feelings. Here is another video about a Reedsburg Studnet who stood up to bullies for others. We have all experienced some sort of bullying and we know it makes us feel like crap. So why do we see it happen but not do anything about it? Well, as Holden Caulfield may say it is because we are phonies. For the bullies it is easier to be mean than to be themselves. For the onlookers it is easier to ignore than it is to act. The ease of things is what drives us.
Let's get our of our comfort zones and get the guts to stand up for others. I'm not saying it will be easy. The great people that stood up for others include Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and Abraham Lincoln who all died due to the hatred of others. The question I have for you is would you rather live a monster or die a hero if you had to choose? Hopefully NONE of you will have to die for your cause. So I guess a better question to ask you is this...would you rather live the rest of your life knowing you helped that one person or live the rest of your life knowing that you ignored them? Some of you may be thinking, "Oh, and you're so perfect that you always stand up for someone?" The answer is no, I haven't and I regret those decisions. I need to work at this as much as anyone else. So let's all work on this together because we're all in this together as we are all members of the human species.
Today I had a relatively good day. Until twenty minutes ago that is. I got a call from the bank that was not to my liking, I lost my flash drive, and I can't seem to find my butterfly ring ANYWHERE.
LOST RING IF FOUND RETURN TO C DOUBLE T
Image courtesy of Swarovski Crystal and Bing
I decided to visit my blog reading list as I can only wait until tomorrow to solve some of the issues listed before. One of the blogs I follow is byJames T. Robilottaand he posted about the "languages of love." Don't worry it isn't anything schmoozy. (Well, maybe a little.) When I read and watched the video, it made me think, were my issues that bad? In the end money or my ring weren't going to be important at my death bed. As people who have the privilege to have computers, we tend to freak out over these types of frivolous things. We call them "first world problems" and sometimes we say we are "struggle busing." Now, I am not going to say that you should feel guilty or bad because that isn't helping anyone's situation either. Instead, try to be positive and spread that good attitude around. I can hear your scoffs already. Seriously though, having a positive attitude can be hard.
Image courtesy of Bing
Last night I watched the movie A Clockwork Orange and I have to tell you, at first I was not a fan. If you aren't familiar with this film I will give you a brief synopsis. It is about a teenage boy named Alex who uses his free time to do what he loves. What does Alex love to do? Rape, kill, and beat others. I was going to stop watching the movie when something happened. This evil main character went to jail. After being in jail for two years he goes under treatment to "cure him of evil" and it works...to an extent. The treatment has made Alex unable to defend himself, which I was all for. I was glad when his former friends and his old enemies beat him up. I felt that justice was being done. It wasn't until the police scene that I went from hating this guy, to sort of pitying him. That was the point. This movie is based off of a book by the same title by Anthony Burgess. He stated that the point of the book was to show that if we truly believe in "forgive and forget" then we should practice it with even the most evil of people. This brings me back to being positive in light of the terrible (or in my sarcastic font TeRrIbLe). When those bad little things happen to you or me, we blame, we get angry, we get frustrated and then we spread our bad attitudes to others. Much like Alex's situation. If he had chosen to be good and helpful, he would have experienced more positive events. Instead he promoted his evil doings, which almost destroyed him. Have you thought of all the good things that happened to you during a bad day and spread those around? For example, today I also got a ton of free clothes and jewelry from a friend. I also ate a pretty tasty supper AND I am halfway done with fixing a project. I was so quick to think that my day was bad simply because of a few issues. So let's keep it positive. Forgive and forget. Also, don't let the lost flash drives keep you down. PS: An Important message from your Kid President: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5yCOSHeYn4 End On a Happy Note: Want to see some great pictures? WARNING: Includes cute cartoons and a sassy attitude.http://9gag.com/gag/a44NpA1
This blog shall contain ideas, blender events, movies, and books that I find inspiring that may also create inspiration in you. I hope to engage someone out in the big wide somewhere with these ideas and hope that they bring these ideas to their campus.
It has come to my attention that there is not much out there on how to motivate others. As an avid Pinterest addict (yes boo or yay to your delight) I believed that there would be more out there to create positivity but find that there is a lack of links. This is distressing to me. So here I am. I hope to somehow create positive emotions, raise esteems in others, and overall "make love not war."
I went to a conference in Washington DC called NCSL (sorry for bragging but it was AWESOME). Naturally, at conferences you learn things. One of the big take homes for me was something called "blender events." Usually, campuses or high school clubs are focused on doing big events for the year but are surprised when they lose members. That is because there is not much to motivate those members to stay. Blender events are small things that a club or even a single person (that means you compadre) can create that will boost positive emotions or raise awareness. As mentioned before, I have found a severe lack of them on Pinterest and when I look them up on Bing (Yes, I love Bing. I think it's better than Google and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that thinks that in this universe.) it is usually geared towards teachers. Well friends, and neighbors, and strangers, I hope to find more and put those links or ideas on this blog.
Ok, for reals-ies I will give you help now. Tom Krieglstein is a motivational (Let's see how many times I can write motivate in a blog) speaker and has created many groups such as Swift Kick and has come up with the Dance Floor Theory. Basically, he is the bomb diggity. He is also the guy that told me about blender events. These blender events are usually simple and engage others. If you were having a bad day and saw a post-it note (Click this title > Post It Note Project < for the video) on a random wall that read, "Be happier than a bird with a french fry." You may just crack a smile. Having you or a club do this does two things. 1. Makes at least one person smile. 2. Has your club involved in something. Be sure to keep it anonymous until you are asked. Having your post-its say sponsored by the blah blah club makes people automatically question the motives behind it. When asked though, the club or person has now gotten permission to explain why they want to create positivity.
Why create positivity? If you haven't noticed, our world can be depressing. I bet one of you knows at least one person who has either committed self harm, attempted suicide, or did committ suicide. I want to change that. But C Double T how do positive sticky notes or movies change that? There have been a few accounts where someone stated that just because someone smiled at them that day or hugged them or carried their books, that they changed their mind. That hurting others or themselves wasn't something they wanted to do when they witnessed such a small act of random kindness. A popular story you may have heard is Kyle's Story which is fictional. Here are some that aren't. http://www.oddee.com/item_98659.aspx. There are people like this guy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_nr6y601Bc who has inspired bullied youth. I believe anyone can save a life by simply being kind. Grant, some of the links I showed you involved pulling cars into traffic or tracking down a kidnapper but look at the woman who saved a stranger by simply talking to him. Or the man who organized a chain of people to save someone from drowning; just one person holding two other people's arms saved a life. Or even kind words from someone made a man trade in his gun for an x-box. Do I think that a kind word or act can save a life? Absolutely. Hopefully, I can reach out to others so they can too.
End On a Happy Note:
I will always try to end each post with something positive. Here is one of my favorite online videos, sing-a-long if you know it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzKFbUxYJys
